Dae en'Naur
by Llama-Alpaca-Llapaca
Summary: The title doesn't have anything to do wstory. 2 girls end up in ME, marysueishpossibly, selfinsertion, it's kind of a mix of movie and book. starts slow. Eventual romance between OC and Legolas, and OC and... undecided yet.
1. Nessa

Hello all! This is my story, titled "Dae en'Naur". Now- this will most likely end up being a Mary-sue, but maybe not. This is a doubles self-insertion of one of my best friends Amber and I (Jacque, pronounced Jackie, I am a girl. It's short for Jacqueline. It is not "Zha-kh". That is a French guy's name. Yeah.). Anywhosit, um, this is, I guess an tenth and eleventh walker story, but it's going to take a little bit to get there. This not canon, I mean, seriously. Two MI, US of A girls land in ME, freak several races out, yadda yadda yadda. I guess it'll be closer to the movie that anything; I haven't quite decided. Amber didn't write this, however, I do have permission to create her character as I see fit.

**_DISCLAIMER!_**

** Amber, Jacque, and any names you do not recognize belong to me. Nessa is a real Valië. Well, real as in, from J. R. R. Tolkien's works. _Obviously, nothing of his belongs to me, so this is my disclaimer._ The creek belongs to me, and so does JGL (Gypsy) (well, actually, she belongs to Amber.) and DeN is a figment of my over-active imagination. Dae en'Naur, however, is Elvish, and therefore belongs to Tolkien. _This disclaimer applies to the whole story. _Oh, and "Kavorkian Scarf" and "Pill-Z" are a reference to "Foamy the Squirrel" cartoons by Mr. Mathers- i wIll pReSS, or however you do that thing.**

I would like to say now that each character speaks the language they grew up learning, with the exception of Jacque and Amber. (It's explained later, if anyone needs more clarification, just let me know.) So, yeah, enjoy. Oh! Updates will be whenever, I dunno. I'm in high school, so, well, I'll probably get most of it done during Health (heh heh heh.). And study hall. Umm... I'll try to update as frequently as possible.

Feedback is welcomed with open arms! I'll try to keep the A/Ns limited to my bio. However, sometimes, there are words and stuff I'll explain at the end of each chapter. So... yeah. I think that's it. Enjoy! Oh, and flame me if you want- but it's your time you are wasting by choosing to read my story.

* * *

In the fall, the leaves become splashes of beauty and sparks of color. Amber and Jacque crashed through the fallen autumn leaves on their horses- Jordan Gypsy Legacy (Nicknamed Gypsy) and Dae en'Naur (Which means "shadow of fire" in Elvish.) Jacque is your typical manic-obsessive fan girl of Lord of the Rings, Amber- well, she puts up with her.

The pounding of hooves on autumn ground matched their heartbeats- and with every twitch of the horses' muscle, a jolt of adrenaline swept through the four bodies, pumping hearts and minds even faster. They came to a stop at a small creek, letting the horses nuzzle the water in an attempt to calm down.

Amber hopped off in one swift motion and glanced over towards Naur and Jacque. Jacque dangled by an ankle from one of the stirrups for a split second until Naur smacked her into Gypsy and left an incredibly confused Jacque on the ground, rubbing her Aris and glaring at the horse's behind.

Amber laughed, remarking, "You suck," as she extended her hand to help Jacque get up.

Jacque, still dazed, stared at the hand until Amber smacked her with it and caused her to jump up yelling, "You're lucky that I can't win a race and dismount properly, otherwise I would have won and dismounted… properly…"

"Jacque, you have about as many brains as a rock."

"Well, that must be a very intelligent rock you're referring to if it can match my I.Q."

"That was the lames comeback ever."

"Was not!"

"I stand corrected."

"You know what? I refuse to argue with someone of your troglodytic intelligence."

"Shut up."

"You shut up!" Suddenly, Gypsy turned, nudging Amber into the creek. "Hey! Not funny!" Amber spluttered over Jacque's laughter.

"Are you cold? I could get you a Kavorkian Scarf!"

"Jacque, shut up."

"Jeeze, even Pill-Z isn't cheering you up, grumpy-frump."

"Well, really there's only one thing what'll cheer me up." Amber hinted.

"And that is…?" Jacque trailed off, waiting for a response.

"This!" With a bark of laughter, a scream, and a large tug, Jacque broke the calm water of the creek.

"Ugh! I challenge you… to a splashing duel!"

"Ack! Spft! No!"

"Hahahaha! I am victorious!"

"Not for long, you sinister fiend!"

O> o> O> o> O> o> O> o> O> o>

As they lay on the bank of the creek, attempting to wring out the shirts that remained on their "Totally-hot-we-don't-go-skinny-dipping-we-go-chunky-dunking" bods (as they affectionately refer to them), Jacque looks at Amber and sidles over to her, saying "You, know, I am so glad we brought our camping equipment. You said we wouldn't need it, oh no, we'll be back by dark. Ha! I hate to say I told you so, but… I told you so! I told you so I told you so I told you so!"

"Oh yes, Grand Exalted Lord and Master of all knowledge, you are always right about everything."

"Well, I'm glad you finally realized that!"

"You're pathetic."

silence

"Jacque?"

more silence

"Ok, Jacque, you can stop now. This isn't cool, you're freaking me out. Jacque?"

the silence continues, which is very odd- Jacque is never completely silent.

Amber spun around to the sight of Jacque staring at the edge of the forest (which was not there before they fell into the creek), jaw dropped and wearing her "Oh my goodness I am so stunned beyond belief words cannot describe it so I have to wear this expression" expression. Amber sopped over to her in the still dripping outfit and conked her on the head.

Jacque blinked.

Three more thwacks and half a canteen of water brought her to her senses.

"Aaaaaaaammmmmber?"

sigh "Yes, Jacque?" Amber replied, patronizingly.

"I don't think we're in Michigan anymore."

Amber looked at her for a second, then burst out in belly laughs.

"What? I was being serious!" She stamped her foot, which caused Amber to laugh harder. "What is it?" This went on until Jacque said "Amber! Shut up and look to you left! Sigh No, Amber, your other left! There." Amber then assumed Jacque's earlier expression as she stared at the forest that had just recently appeared. As in, like, five minutes ago recently. A heavenly figure glided out of the forest as Amber and Jacque were blinded by the bright light emanating from this… goddess. That was really the only word for her; no other term matched her angelic and commanding aura.

Jacque broke, actually, _shattered_ the silence with an intelligent "Wha… who… you… the trees… bright light… are- are you a goddess?" Jacque stuttered.

Her voice was like a soft song, slow and gentle as the summer breeze; her giggles rang in the mortals' heads as she replied, "As a matter of fact, yes." Her laughter was like- as cheesy as it sounds, wind chimes. "I am what they call Nessa, the Valië of joy." She said in her breathy voice.

Amber continued to stare. Jacque was the first to come to her senses and smack Amber on the arm, making her start, but not enough to bring her to her complete senses. Jacque, bowing, muttered, "Amber! Bow! We are in the company of a goddess!" Amber continued to stand until Jacque flung her arm out into Amber's stomach, causing her to double over. Jacque sniggered, earning a glare from Amber. "It is an honor to stand in your presence." Jacque said regally, yet filled with awe.

Amber stood and said, "Yeah. You're really cool.", mentally kicking herself. Jacque's shoulder shook as she repressed her laughter. Amber thought 'Oh, see, this is not fair. Jacque is incredibly clumsy and is constantly idiotic until it counts. I'm completely fine until it counts, and then I turn into Jacque.'

Jacque watched Amber's face shift through expressions- embarrassment, self-anger, outward anger, and finally that outward anger being directed at Jacque. Jacque focused on the Valië, who had watched the whole scene with mild amusement. Amber reined in her glare and smiled faintly at Nessa, who returned the expression.

"You have much you have yet to learn, of yourselves, each other, and the new world you have arrived in. I can only give you the… tools… necessary to gain this knowledge." She said, searching for the correct words at times. "I grant both of you the fluency of all Middle Earthen dialects," At this, Amber's eyes widened and Jacque sucked in a sharp breath, surprise apparent on their faces. Nessa nodded, and continued. "I also grant each of you this." Suddenly a beautiful opal appeared around Amber's wrist on a golden chain, with several charms hanging off of it, each of a metal that was similar to silver, yet so much more elegant and perfect; around Jacque's neck there materialized an opal of the same quality on a golden chain, with several smaller precious stones in the place of the metal charms. They stared at the beautiful jewelry, both thinking how incredibly pathetic their finally dried workout clothes looked and felt compared to the bracelet and necklace. Nessa laughed, and said, "Yes, those clothes will never do."

Both blinked, looked down, and realized they were clad in beautiful shimmering dresses, smiled, frowned, and then exclaimed, "We can't wear this in Middle Earth! We'll never be able to do anything!"

Nessa's perfect features resembled surprise for a moment, and then she said, "Perhaps… yes. Tunics would be much more suitable."

"Thank you." Much nicer, thanks." Amber and Jacque replied at the same time.

Nessa giggled again, and looking at each of them in turn said, "And to Amber I present this." The Valië flicked her wrist and an item appeared in front of Amber's face.

After recovering from the shock, Amber gingerly reached out and touched it, then gently retrieved it from the sphere of light surrounding it. As she examined it, she gasped and said, "Jacque! This is- I mean- Oh my goosh! Oh my goosh oh my goosh! It's- I can't believe- I love it!"

"Well, what is it?" Jacque interrupted.

"It's a- Oh, it's easier to see than explain." She replied holding it up for Jacque's inspection. Her eyes grew to the size of saucers.

"A… wow. A- I just- I see what you mean." She stuttered, looking at the crystal. Now, the crystal on its own probably wouldn't have been so awe-inspiring, it was more what was inside the crystal. "It's showing your mom and dad. But- why would you want a little magicky-thingy to see them unless.." she trailed off, looking worried. She turned to Nessa, whispering, "We're not going home for a very, very long time, are we?"

Nessa's expression changed to one of sorrow, silently answering Jacque's question.

"Are we going to… die here?" Jacque's voice sounded as frightened and sad as Amber looked.

Nessa's expression remained sad, yet hope rang through her voice as she replied, "Yes, but you are also going to live here. Know that your lives will never return to what they once were."

Jacque and Amber looked towards the ground as Amber held her crystal close. Nessa continued.

"Jacque, to you I bequeath this. You will know its purpose in due time, my young one. Amber, you shall understand the importance of your gift soon as well." She said lightly, succeeding in bringing a little more life to the lost teenagers. "Please, remember, both of you, that you are each other's… rock. Together, you can overcome anything. And! Do not forget that the Valar smile upon both of you- ask and you shall receive!" Nessa said, fading into the misty forest.

Jacque looked down at her gift, and realized that it was a tiara. A tiara made of… "Amber! It's mithril! Your charms- my gift- they're so shiny! They're obviously made of the same material- it's mithril!" She tugged the ponytail holder off of her wrist and pulled her dark brown, shoulder length, curly hair into a low ponytail, setting the mithril crown atop her head. She scrunched her nose and glanced at Amber, joking, "I knew I was a princess."

Amber smiled at Jacque's comment and the contrast between her childish expression and her regal posture. Jacque always carried herself with pride, that was nothing new. It was just- something about her has changed. Amber began thinking as she toyed with her crystal. "Oh my goosh, Jacque! How are we going to defend ourselves?"

"Well, they better not mess with me. I have been trained in the ancient art of Kung Fu, Tae Kwon Do, and Chinese Checkers! Don't mess with me!"

Both collapsed into giggles, worries forgotten, and then simultaneously looked up, exclaiming, "The horses!"

They turned back to the edge of the creek, and were relieved to see that Gypsy and Naur were standing calmly next to the girl's equipment. They saddled up the horses, looked at each other, got on (not without much trouble from Jacque and Naur- "Urgh! How do you do that? You're like a friggin' person who jumps on horses all the time!" "Real intelligent, Jacque." "Yeah, well, you know, there's just not enough analogies for a person like you."), and headed to the edge of the forest.

Jacque nudged Naur into the forest and Amber followed, remarking as they traveled deeper and deeper into the mist, "I guess we should just wander through here until we happen upon some- AAH!" She skidded to a stop right before impaling herself on the arrow that was pointed at her face. She looked down the weapon to see a person with pointy ears on the other end. She fainted.

Jacque watched in horror as the bow-wielding maniac came out of nowhere, and Amber slid off her horse (fainting does absolutely nothing for one's horse-riding skills.). Jacque glared and began to yell at the bow-wielding maniac (which, in retrospect, probably was not the smartest thing to do), "What is your problem? We come in peace! WE COME IN PEACE! She's 15 and you whip out something pointy and shove it in her face? I'm 14; are you going to pull out a big, pointy stick and shove it in my face too?" She shifted in her saddle, and out of the corner of her eye saw the arrow pointed in her face, looked back at the first bow-wielding maniac, and promptly fainted.

O> o> O> o> O> o> O> o> O> o>


	2. WTF!

Ok, this chapter is really... quirky... so, yeah. And I don't know how I ended up with Legolas so out of character, but whatever. I would also like to say that Thranduil is not evil, but I kinda like toying with him. I hope he doesn't come across as too evil in this chapter, I really kinda like the dud. Have fun!

Oh, yeah, Monty Python's not mine either. Or The Emperor's New Groove. And the whole definition thing of "weird" is from Merriam Webster. As a matter of fact, I did read the whole dictionary, but I didn't memorise it. I was incredibly bored- I get bored very easily. Ok, enjoy!

* * *

Jacque came to, shooting up into a sitting position. She blinked rapidly, attempting to focus her eyes. Finally, her eyes connected with a pair of gorgeous grey ones, looking at her in confusion from her side. Jacque scrambled backwards, falling off the bed. "Wait. Bed? Where am I?" The events that happened last night came rushing back to her, and she would have fallen off the bed if she hadn't already. "WTF!" She said, frowning. Then she smiled, recalling the many situations in which she had used that acronym. 

The grey-eyes peered over the edge of the bed. "What is wrong? Am I of a frightening stance?" His lilting voice made her shiver. "My Princess-"

"What? Princess, ahahahahaha! That's a good one." The man, well, he looked like a young adult, furrowed his brow in confusion.

"If you are not of royalty, what is the purpose of the crown?" He inquired.

"Oh, this isn't- I mean- it's not what it looks like- I mean, Nessa gave this- I was- It was a gift from Nessa." Jacque frowned.

"Nessa, the Valië of joy?"

"Um, yeah, I think so. Everything's a little fuzzy right now. What-"

"Then, princess, you are of more royalty than my father! You are a gift from the Valar!"

"Uh… but-"

"You must come with me."

"Where? I mean, no. Wait. Where's Amber?"

"She is in a room down the hall-" He had barely finished his sentence as Jacque leapt from the tangled mass of blankets and sprinted out of the room.

Jacque ran down the corridor, mulling over the confusion she had created for the poor lad who had sat by her bed. "AAAAAAAAMMMMMBERRRRRR! WHICH ROOM ARE YOU IN! THERE'S LIKE, A THOUSAND ROOMS HERE! JEEZE! WHAT IDIOT DIDN'T PUT NAMETAGS ON THE DOORS?"

Amber emerged from the room at the end of the hall, scratching her head. "I knew those must be your dulcet tones that completely killed my eardrums."

"Amber! Amber- did you wake up to some random guy sitting at the edge of your bed with really cute grey eyes and gorgeous long blond hair, oh I wish I had his hair- I think I'm going to steal it from him, rawrrawrrawr, oh, and pointy ears- Wait! Pointy ears! OHMYGOOSH! He was an elf! Oh, my goosh, I just completely confused an elf. Gasp And he can probably hear every word I'm saying right now with his supersonic hearing! Ack! I should go apologize."

Amber blinked. "Jacque, chillax. Yeah, I woke up to an elf lady. She was reeeeeally pretty."

"So was… I don't think he told me his name."

"He was "pretty"?"

"Yeah. Kinda fragile-looking. He called me a princess."

"Must be the tiara."

"No, really?"

"Or it could've been the way you boss everyone around and how you walk around like you own the place."

"Shut up. I do not boss people. I make… persuasively forceful commands."

"You're so witty."

"Thank you."

Sigh. "Sarcasm."

"Well, duh."

"You know, maybe we should do something instead of standing here in the middle of the hallway chatting."

"Perhaps you're right. I need to go apologize to the elf. Wait… He said that I am more royal than his father… which means his father must be royalty, otherwise that comment would have had no meaning!"

"Oh my goosh. What did you do to the poor soul?"

"Um… Yeah. Let's go apologize."

"What's this "us" stuff, kemosabe? You can apologize by yourself."

"Oh, ok. But you have to stand outside the door!" Jacque pleaded, wringing her hands.

"Fine." They walked back down the corridor to her room, and she knocked on the door.

"Come in." She shivered again. She walked into the room, glanced at the hunk laying on his back on the bed, arms folded beneath his head, and sat in the chair he had occupied when she woke.

"Um, you know, heh, I'm- it's… I'm not always that weird when I first wake up." Jacque glared at the door as Amber's sniggers hit her ears.

"What does "weird" mean? Earlier, you spoke of "WTF". What is the meaning of that? Also, "Oh my goosh"? I do not understand these strange words." He said, furrowing his brow in confusion yet again.

"Oh. Well, "weird". Function, adjective. First definition: of, relating to, or caused by witchcraft or the supernatural: Magical. Second definition: of strange or extraordinary character: Odd, Fantastic. Weirdly, adverb. Weirdness, noun. Synonyms: Weird, eerie, uncanny. Uncanny- mysteriously strange or fantastic. Weird may imply an unearthly or supernatural strangeness or it may stress queerness or oddness. Eerie suggests an uneasy or fearful consciousness that mysterious and malign powers are at work. Uncanny implies disquieting strangeness or mysteriousness. "WTF", function, exclamation. An exclamation of surprise or confusion. Acronym for "What the Freak", but Freak may be replaced with other f-words to fit the situation. "Oh my goosh", another exclamation, one of excitement or surprise. An adaptation of the phrase "Oh My Gosh", which is an adaptation of the phrase "Oh My God". Kind of a joke between my friends and I."

The elf blinked.

"Yeah, I memorized the dictionary when I was younger, I forgot a lot of it, but some words stuck." Jacque explained. At the "memorized the dictionary", Amber collapsed into laughter, earning the door another glare. "Oh, um, what is your name? I'm Jacque. But you can call me-"

"PANTS!" Amber screamed from the other side of the door. Both giggled, and each began their own mental game of "Pants".

"You can call me Jacqueline, or Jack-kway-ah. Or DeN."

"I am Legolas Thranduilion."

Both girls gasped sharply. "Legolas!" They both exclaimed in surprise.

"Amber, c'mere."

"Hi Legolas!" she yelled, bounding into the room.

"This is Amber, or Sam, or Nuts, what ever tickles your fancy."

"Tickles your fancy?"

"It's an expression, whatever makes you happy."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So… um, can we… you know who we need to meet?" She said, jumping up as an idea hit her.

"No. Who?"

"Gandalf!"

"Yeah, yeah! He can tell us everything!"

"'Cause I mean, we don't even know what age we're in."

"Well, if Leggie's here then-"

"Yeah, must be third age!"

"And since it's Lego's home, then we're in Mirkwood!"

Legolas sat up on the bed at the nickname "Leggie", then looked horrified at "Lego". He looked back and forth between the two conspirators, shook his head to clear it, and said, "Slow your speech, please. My father can answer most of your questions, I believe. Come with me." He regally stood and walked out of the room, muttering "Leggie? Lego? How… crude.". Amber and Jacque looked at each other, and ran out of the room after him.

O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O

They stood in front of these huge, grand, wooden double doors, attempting to straighten their appearances. "You know, that isn't really helping." Amber told Jacque, who was currently running her hands through her hair.

"Oh. Do I look okay?"

"Why do you care so much?"

"Well, because Leggie is delusioning that I am a princess, so of course he's going to tell Thranduil that, and I need to look princessy. And, Lego is incredibly cute. Oh, goosh, I hope Thranduil likes us. How do we address him? Your majesty? Your kingliness? We can't call him "my king", because he's not our king. How about "Sir"? Or maybe just "Thranduil." No, that's too informal."

"Jacque! Stop it! You are going to frazzle yourself to death!"

"Maybe that would end the trauma!" She pretended to sob dramatically, then began laughing as hard as Amber was. They both straightened up, patted down their tunics one last time, and waited for someone to tell them to enter, butterflies growing in both of their stomachs.

"You may enter." The butler, well, Legolas had called him the king's personal servant, announced. "What shall I announce you as?"

Amber flashed a wicked smirk at Jacque and said, "Announce us as-"

O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O

Legolas and Thranduil looked up as the "butler" entered.

The butler frowned and began. "Presenting Jacque, daughter of-" There was whispering from behind the door, and the butler began again. "Presenting Amber, daughter of the gay orange and the traitorous astronaut, and Jacque, daughter- no, apologies, offspring of- what? The- how would that-" He began leaning back towards the door as they gave him instructions, and as he began disputing the instructions with the girls, a large frown on his face.

Legolas and Thranduil had never seen their most faithful servant so flustered. The butler collected his composure, and began once again.

Sigh. "Presenting Amber, daughter of King Thranduil and Prince Legolas, and Jacque, daughter of Thranduil and The stuffy butler-servant-guy."

Thranduil began coughing and fell off of his throne and Legolas fell over onto the floor, a priceless look on his face of confusion and fear, as the girls swept into the room. Thranduil sputtered, "You-cough can't hack there is no possibility ahem you-"

Amber interrupted. "We were kidding. We've never met before, Thrandy." He coughed harder at that. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, your sir king majesty." She couldn't hold in the laughter any longer. Jacque couldn't speak, due to the helpless giggles bubbling out of her. Both girls collapsed onto the floor. Legolas was the first to regain some semblance of sanity.

"Ahem. Father, this is Amber and Jacque, as I was telling you. They appeared in the forest, and Jacque has been crowned by Nessa." At this, "Thrandy" abruptly stopped coughing, jumped up, and sat back dawn in his throne. (It was rather amusing to watch the full grown king jumping in his royal robes.)

"Blasphemy! This is an outrage! I will not have such pathetic jests in my court!" Thranduil bellowed. Jacque and Amber rose from the floor.

"What is the meaning of that? You do not believe the Valar brought us here?" Jacque said sharply.

"Oh, do tell. Why in Middle Earth would the Valar even so much as blink at you? Art thou not mere commoners? You certainly act as them. If you have been sent by the Valië Nessa, then Valar, send me a symbol! I refuse to believe this blasphemy! SEND ME A SIGN!" King Thranduil began at a whisper, laced with anger, and his volume rose until he ended shouting towards the heavens.

"Ooh boy, he's cheesed them off now." Jacque whispered to Amber.

"Oh yeah. They're gonna flip." Amber muttered in response.

Suddenly, the sky darkened and a hauntingly quiet yet forceful voice rang throughout the palace and surrounded the four.

"How darest thou deny my children your trust- Thou hast disappointed me greatly, Thranduil." Thranduil began to shake. "Do you wish to be the cause of the destruction of all Middle Earth, heaven and land? Continue your ways, and all but evil shall perish." The sky returned to its normal shade, and all was silent, until Amber began to quietly giggle. Jacque looked at her oddly, and then a huge smile crossed her face as she remembered the Monty Python scene- "'Oh, don't grovel. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.' 'Sorry-' 'And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you doing now?' 'I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord.' 'Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so depressing. Now knock it off!' 'Yes, Lord.'". Good times, good times. Thranduil and Legolas remained in their positions, jaws dropped and wearing Jacque's "Oh my goodness I am so stunned beyond belief words cannot describe it so I have to wear this expression" expression.

Finally, Legolas spoke. "W.T.F." This caused Jacque and Amber to go from reminiscent giggles to belly laughs. Thranduil shook his head to clear it and rose from his throne.

"I believe I was… hasty… in my judgment of you both. Please accept my apologies." He said shakily, kneeling before them. Legolas immediately kneeled as well.

"You are forgiven." Jacque mumbled, attempting unsuccessfully to stifle her laughter.

Amber didn't even attempt to stifle it as the shaken royals rose. She just let them trickle out, until finally both Michiganders had regained their composure. "Wait- Thrandy," Thranduil cringed at the nickname. "Where are our horses?"

Jacque gasped, "I can't believe I forgot about them! 'Bad llama, bad llama!'. Heh, Emperor's New Groove, remember that one?"

"How could I forget? 'I'm sorry, but you have thrown off the emperor's groove.'"

"'What is he babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up!'"

"'Whoa! No touchy! No touchy. No touch.'"

"Wait- horses."

"Oh yeah."

"I will lead you to the stables." Legolas cut in. He strode out of the room. Jacque and Amber looked at each other, and sprinted after him.

O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o


	3. Chapter 3

Oh yes, I also seem to have a tendency to make up words. What of it? Just pretend that they exist. Oh, and the stable guy is mine.

* * *

The trio arrived at the stables. Two, out of breath, arrived wishing that they had elected Phys Ed over Theatre 2. The other one was still a little (well, a lot) shaken from the whole "Father angered the gods" fiasco. Amber and Jacque stopped midstep at they entered the humongous stables. "That's a… lot of horses." Amber muttered.

"Yeah. Wow."

"This stable holds the horses of all the elves in Mirkwood," Legolas began, puffing out his chest a little, "Each one pure in breed and trained with the most ancient of techniques- they keep their spirit, but obey their masters."

"Hold up. Masters?" Amber quirked an eyebrow. Jacque raised hers, but then they shifted into an apologetic scrunch as she realized what was coming to the poor elf.

"Yes. However, the masters are in a more similar position to fathers, I suppose. They command with a kind heart, but a firm voice." Legolas noted Jacque's expression.

"Please refrain from calling them 'masters' around Amber. She gets a little… touchy… at times about the status of horses." Jacque breathed, praying that Legolas' supersonic elven ears would pick up the words that she could barely hear herself. Legolas glanced at her and gave an imperceptible nod, well, almost imperceptible, because Jacque percept-ed it. Unfortunately, so did Amber.

"And what was that! Is that the elven equivalent of human eye-rolling? It better not be, because if it is, you, my friend, have made a grave mistake. I-"

Legolas held his hand up, wearing an expression of surprise. "Slow your speech, please. You consider me a friend?" He said with a ghost of a smile on his face.

"Well, yeah, I guess, I mean," Amber stuttered. She was so used to calling everyone her friend (She's the type of person who'll run up to you and say "Do you want to be my friend?" and then without waiting for a response, say "Thanks!" and run off yelling "I made a friend! Look look look! That person is my friend!" and frighten several small children out of their wits.) At the full-blown grin blossoming on Legolas' face, she said, "Don't think too much of it. Yeah, I guess you're my friend. But this doesn't mean we're all buddy-buddy or anything. Besides, Jacque likes you loads more than I do." At that, Jacque started and looked at Amber with wide eyes. Amber immediately realized her mistake.

"What?" Jacque hissed in her most frightening voice that made even the toughest defense crumble into oblivion.

"Um, well, you see, I meant that- well, you, and, the- um, that- you, but, you guys would, I mean, kinda make a, well, cute-" Amber stopped abruptly at the death glare from Jacque. "I mean, you think he would be a really nice friend." She finished lamely.

Jacque glared at Amber for a second longer and turned to Legolas. "Lego, she's right. I do think you would make a wonderful friend. So," Amber smiled as she kneeled on the ground. Jacque always was way overdramatic. "PLLLEEEEEAAASE BE MY FRIEND! I really really really like your hair and I think your eyes are pretty! Please be my frieeeeeeend!" Jacque wailed. Amber couldn't contain her laughter at the look of unadulterated shock on the dark-haired pretty-boy elf.

"Er… I will, if that is- if it- if that- is what you wish." Legolas stuttered.

"Well, duh it is what she wishes. Did you not hear her? She said 'Please be my frieeeeeeend' did she not?" Amber teased, mocking Jacque's drama.

"Yes, I believe that she just- startled me with her… outburst." Legolas murmured. "I may take my leave now, with your permission. I assume you can find your horses without my help?"

"Of course, Leggie. No problem." Amber shoved Legolas towards the stable door, waiting until he was out of supersonic elf ear-shot.

The girls could not hold inside their laughter any longer. "Hey Amber, let's get Dae and Gypsy and annoy the rest of the elves!"

"Yeah!" Amber yelled in response, and the began walking through the stables, reading the names of the horses. "Um… this may be harder than we thought. You know, let's divide and conquer! Jacque- run down to that end and take that half, I'll take this half."

"Ok. Wait- you run down there! You're not getting me to run all the way over there!"

"Fine. You can take the hard side; I was only trying to help you. If you want, I'll take that side. It doesn't really matter to me, I just wanted to make things easier for you. If you insist, I'll look through the easy side." Amber sighed, but her inner evil genius knew the effect of reverse psychology on Jacque,

"Aw, Amber- wait. You're using that reverse psychology on me! Or maybe not. No, I think you are. I'm not falling for it! I'm taking the easy side. So there." Jacque said, running to the opposite side of the stables.

"Heh heh heh heh!" Amber cackled in her evilest evil of all evils voice. "Reverse Psychology never fails!"

Jacque knew she had been tricked as soon as she reached the other side. "Dangnabit! She always does that. Grr. Wait- is that a stable hand/helper/person/guy? Maybe he can give me a hand in finding Dae." She muttered to herself, spotting a stable hand/helper/person/guy. She walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

He looked up from the tack he was cleaning and said respectfully in an odd accent, "Yea, miss? What could I be doin' fer ye?"

"I'm looking for my horse, along with that of my companion's. Their names are Dae en'Naur and Gypsy. Would you know where I can find them?"

"Are ye spakin' of 'em horses that the Prince 'isself brut in? Yea, I know 'em. Follow me o'er 'ere." He left the tack by the bench and headed deeper into the stable.

"May I inquire to where you… acquired your accent?" Jacque asked, curious and smiling. She was having loads of fun trying not to use slang or jargon of the United States.

"I 'quired it from me mam. She raised me and me brother all alone. People usedta ask 'er 'ere she got it, and she'd always say, 'I get's it from whur the sun don't rise 'till noon'. No 'uman bein' alive unnerdstood 'er, but she 'ad a kinda… 'umour 'bout 'er that nobody else could change. Least 'till she died, that is." He ended with a wistful look in his eyes. Jacque had taken an immediate liking to him, but there was something different about him than the other elves, beside his accent.

"What's your name? Mine's Jacque."

"Me name's 'Ferdinand', but don't nobody call me that since me mam passed on. They call me Joey. 'Tis me mid-name. Me end-name's Tinner." He said, shaking his head when he said 'Ferdinand'.

"Yes, you look like a Joseph Tinner. I like that. It has kind of a… hardy ring to it."

"Yea, it's a suitable name me mam gave me. I don't much care fer 'Ferdinand'. Goin' by Joey's dandy ta me. Who gave ye yer name? Ye mam, pap? Some 'un else?" He asked.

"I believe it was my mom. My full name's Jacqueline, but- I like the way Jacque sounds. I'm fairly happy with my name."

"Do ye 'ave a mid-name?"

"Yes. It's Michelle."

"It's as purty as ye look, miss, if'n ye don't mind me sayin'." He said as they reached Dae and Gypsy.

"That's very sweet of you. Thank you very much, Joey. It was wonderful to meet you."

"Pleasure's mine, miss. See ye next time ye come around." He replied, heading back to the tack.

Jacque looked at Dae and gaped at the perfect grooming they had been given in the elves' care. "Wait- Joey wasn't an elf! No wonder he didn't look like the other elves. He wasn't one of them. Ok, now I feel better. I hate having those things nagging me. I wonder if there are others here that are mortal. Hm. Must ask Lego about that. Or Thrandy." Jacque mumbled to herself. She saddled up Dae and Gypsy and led the two of them to where Amber was having issues focusing.

"So… many… names… I… ooh! Look at that horse! I think I'll try braiding Gypsy's mane like that… I should probably find her first. Urgh, why are there so many friggin' elves! I'm beginning to wonder why immortality is such a good thing. I mean, I guess sailing to the undying lands gets rid of some of them but- This is ridiculous!"

"And this isn't even all the elves in Middle Earth!" Jacque laughed, interrupting Amber's monologue.

"Oh, goosh. I would hate to be the one in charge of census records and population." Amber shuddered. "Oh, hey Gypsy! How have you been, babe? I see you're looking pretty spiffy there, eh?" She stroked Gypsy's neck as she swung up onto the horse. "You know, we should probably find out what year this is. I mean, we can't say anything about the you-know-what until it's found and they create the you-know-who of the you-know-what. Or, it could have all already happened."

"Huh?"

"You know, the You-Know-Who of the You-Know-What? Oh, come on Jacque! Aren't you, like obsessed with it?"

"You mean the Lo-"

"No! The first one-"

"Oh, the Fe-"

"Sshh! Sh sh sh sh shh! You can't say it! If nobody knows about it, then something will be changed! So sh!"

"Ok, ok, ok, I get it. We really need to find Gandalf and ask him all of our questions- Thrandy didn't help at all. He just angered the gods, and that's no good. Maybe we can find him through one of the random elves here. Wait a minute-"

"Ok, I'm waiting."

"No, I meant I've thought of an idea!"

"Oh, well, since you're thinking, take your time, sweetie. I know how long it takes for you to come up with a reasonable sounding sentence-"

"Ok. Thank you, but-"

"You're welcome."

"Ergh! You know what? Fine. You don't want to hear my brilliant plan that involves pirating, whatever. I can take a hint." Jacque huffed, walking Dae out of the stables. She began counting down. "Three, two, one, ze-"

"Jacque, wait. Pirating? I'm sorry, ok? Please? I really do want to be a part of your plan. You know I can't resist piracy!" Amber shouted from behind her. Jacque smirked.

"Heh- I'm good. Alright. C'mere." Jacque shouted back. When Amber reached her (which took all of about three seconds), she continued. "I say we corner Legolas. I'm sure he knows where he is- that pretty-boy thinks he knows everything anyways-"

"Hey, that's what I called him in my head earlier!"

"Ok. Thank you for sharing that with me. I will log that away into my memory banks until the end of time." Jacque said, rolling her eyes. "Anyways, if he refuses to comply- remember that summer class we took- the one about ventriloquism where we didn't actually learn anything except for how to make our voices fill the room through small openings like a door cracked open just a pinch?"

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While Amber and Jacque were conspiring, Legolas was in his room, staring at the ceiling and thinking.

"What in Middle Earth is so… odd and yet… endearing about those two? They behave so… childishly, yet they…" Legolas frowned deeply, trying to find a word that fit them in his Sindarin vocabulary. "However they act, I do believe they have a serious side- They must have! Noone- mortal or immortal- has the capacity to behave in such a manner constantly! I do not understand them- but I believe-sigh. I do not know what I believe. Why do they use such strange language? Those words- they do not feel proper in my mouth. Are they mortal words? Or just human words? I do not even know from where they hail. I am going to find them, and inquire as to the whole mystery surrounding their appearance."

With that, he rose from the bed and swung open the door.

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Jacque and Amber finally reached Lego's room, adding the finishing touches to their master plan. Amber raised her fist to knock on the door while whispering a newly formed detail, but when her fist made contact with the door, it squished more than wood should, and the weird crack made her jump and look at the door. Funny thing about it was that the door wasn't actually a door, it was ajar. (Heeheehee. Get it- a jar! Haha! Sorry.) And standing in the doorframe was none other than or lovely Prince.

"Oops. Are you all right?" Amber asked. "I'm sorry- I didn't realize that the door was open and the- well, oops."

"Amber! Whaddya mean, 'oops'? You could have smashed his face in! Ohmygoosh- did she?" Jacque asked worriedly, turning to Legolas.

"No, I do not think so. However, that does not refraining it from hurting."

"Oh, poor baby! C'mere, sweet pea." Jacque said soothingly, as if she were talking to a child. All three sat on the bed and Jacque quickly checked his face for extreme injuries. "Well, you're ok, other than the huge bruise you'll have on your face. Amber, how did you manage to hit his face? He's almost six feet tall!"

"Well, I really don't know. I guess I just am completely out to get rid of him, because I'm only five feet four inches tall. I'm sorry, Lego." Amber apologized, sincerely.

"You are forgiven. No great injustice has been committed." Legolas replied. "What was it you required from me?"

"Oh, um… well, we kinda wanted to know when you were next traveling to Rivendell." Jacque said, glancing at Amber before turning to Legolas.

"I believe I leave in four days. Why?"

"We're coming with!" Amber smiled.

"With… what?" Legolas said, confused.

"With you!" Amber replied.

"What?"

"We are coming along with you to Rivendell." Jacque said, much calmer than Amber.

"Oh, no, my princess. No, I am afraid not. You are both women. No, I go with my companions." Legolas said apologetically, shaking his head.

"Are you saying that because we're girls, we can't go? We're not weak-" Jacque began.

"I never stated that you were any such thing-" Legolas interrupted.

"You implied it. We are coming with you, whether you like it or not. Just because we are younger than you-"

"Yes, you are younger than me! I have seen over five hundred years, and I refuse to be disputed by one who has seen fourteen! I do not know if you understand Elvish customs, but we revere our elders, for they have gained more wisdom through experience than us." Legolas struggled to rein in his emotions.

"Do you not also treasure children?" Jacque countered, not even attempting to conceal her anger and frustration.

"Yes! Treasure- treasures you keep safe, you treat them with fragility and care; one does not let them thrust themselves into dangerous travels with no experience! Do you even have the ability to wield a sword? No? Or a bow? See, you have no experience, and I would be a fool to allow you to travel with me." Legolas folded his arms across his chest and glared at the pair.

Jacque took several deep breaths before continuing. "Legolas, I know that you think you are aiding us, but we must go to Rivendell! We cannot remain behind. If you force us to stay, I'll tell the Valar."

Legolas' eyes doubled in size. "You cannot- that is- you-"

Amber cut in. "Blackmail is the word for it. You let us go, the Valar are none the wiser to your dispute of the Princess's wishes."

"You cannot threaten me. I refuse to let you come. If I have to order the guards to lock you in your room, so it shall be." Legolas hissed, eyes flashing.

Amber looked at Jacque. Jacque gave a curt nod, and Amber left the room. "Amber has gone to alert the Valar of your choice." Jacque explained, glaring at Legolas.

Legolas drew himself to his full height and glanced at Jacque. Suddenly a voice resonated through the room.

"This is the Valar speaking. Let Princess Jacque and Amber go, or face the consequences. Uh… yeah. I mean, yes."

Legolas' eyes narrowed. He knew that was not the voice of the Valar, because the Valar would never say 'uh…yeah.' Or 'I mean'. How did the voice fill the entire room? He stood and looked around the room. He then said "Should not Amber be here to hear my final decision?"

Jacque looked down at her hands, inspecting her fingernails. "Yeah, I guess. AMBER, C'MERE!" She yelled. Legolas winced at her volume. "Oh, sorry, Legolas' ears. I forgot you guys would get hurt." Legolas looked at her oddly for apologizing to his ears.

"Yes, Jacque dearest? What has Leggie decided?" Amber reentered the room.

"I have decided to stand by my decision. Both of you shall remain in Mirkwood."

"WHAT?" Amber and Jacque yelled at the same time. At Legolas' wince, they both added, "Oh, sorry (again) Legolas' ears." Legolas looked at them even odd-lier, if that was possible.

"You heard me. You are not going to Rivendell." Legolas gave them a quick bow and strode out of the room.

The girls seethed. "Ooh, just who does he think he is!"

"I know- to disobey the Valar!"

"Well, actually, Amber- the 'um… yeah. I mean, yes' kinda gave it away. Sorry."

"No, it's okay. Not your fault. But, ooh! If I had my- waaaiiit." An evil smirk began to form on Amber's face. "Jacque- you have your hair stuff with you still, right?"

"Yeeeeeaaah…" Jacque replied hesitantly.

"And the spray-on temporary color?"

"Of course. You know I always keep one wrapped in foil in my purse."

"Why do you do that, by the way?"

"I like to sneak up to people and spray it in their hair, so later, they're like 'Where did this blue/green/red spot come from?' and then they drive themselves crazy trying to figure out where it came from. It's really fun." Jacque said gleefully.

"Well, I have a better use for it…" Amber began yet another evil plan, this time for revenge.

O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O

Amber and Jacque ran from Lego's washroom and sprinted to their temporary rooms. They were adjoined, so as soon as they reached them, Amber joined Jacque in sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to catch their breath. Neither could stop giggling, and soon night fell. The next morning (after brushing teeth, hair, and washing their faces), they calmly walked to the dining hall, whispering to each other and attempting to quell the excitement and smiles that kept bubbling to the surface. They had finally reached the dining hall and had only sat down when the doors were slammed open by a furious elf. Jacque and Amber ducked their heads and tried to stifle their giggles by stuffing their faces.

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To say Legolas was angry would be the understatement of the century. He had not felt this kind of rage since… ever! After all- who wouldn't be this angry in his situation?

I mean, come on! His most perfect trait, his pride and joy- ruined. Temporarily, he hoped. Still, that did not dim his fury in the slightest.

How was the Prince supposed to look dignified with **green** hair?

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	4. Padawan

Padawan belongs to Star Wars, which I don't own (But golly gee willikers, I wish I did!)

* * *

Murmurs of disbelief ran through the elves in the dining hall. What in the world was the prince doing with colored hair? Was it something he ate? At this thought, at least two-thirds of the elves dropped their utensils and ran to their washrooms to make sure their perfect hair had not changed.

Jacque and Amber gave in to sniggers when the elves ran out of the dining hall. Mixing Lego's Middle Earthen shampoo with the spray-on coloring was one of their best pranks yet. They saved most of the shampoo in a separate container so that he would have some unsoiled shampoo for later, but they wanted to see how long it took him to figure out what caused it.

"AMBER AND JACQUE!" Oops. Too late. "What is the meaning of this?" Legolas shouted, holding up a strand of the formerly dark hair.

"Well, it looks like your hair is green, Lego." Amber said, finally achieving a straight face.

"I knew that," Legolas hissed, "How did it get into my PERFECT HAIR?" He ended in a yell.

"Well, I wouldn't call it perfect. You've got a couple of split ends there…" Jacque (once she had finally matched Amber's 'innocent' look) trailed off. Legolas began grabbing random strands of his hair and inspecting them.

"I do not have split ends! That is not the point. What trickery did you commit to change my hair to this- this- monstrosity?" Legolas fumed.

"I wouldn't call it a 'monstrosity', either. Maybe… unsightly? Strange?" Jacque fought to stop her laughter.

"That is enough." Legolas hissed. "Just- Please, tell me how to remove it." He pleaded.

"Well, since you asked so nicely…" Jacque looked at Amber.

"To find the answer, First you must seek out the problem, young Padawan." Amber finished cryptically.

Legolas did not know what a 'Padawan' was, but he knew he wasn't young. "I am not young. I know what the problem is. My Hair Is Green!" He whispered menacingly, leaning in towards Amber's smug face.

"Yes, but what caused it?"

"I do not know, that is why I am asking you!"

"Before you seek the end to your torment, you must find the root snicker of the problem." Amber calmly (well, as calm as one can be on the verge of belly laughs).

Legolas huffed. "I am leaving to see if I can wash this- this- abnormality out. Good day." He stormed out of the dining hall, leaving the elves and the girls sniggering in his wake.

Jacque and Amber gave each other triumphant smiles and rose from their seats. "I wonder how long it'll take him to figure it out?" Jacque remarked as they left the dining hall.

"I dunno, he's pretty clever." Amber replied. "It might not take too long."

"Still- he's male."

"Too true." Amber and Jacque reached the doors leading outside, still laughing.

They walked to the stables to retrieve Gypsy and Dae, but were stopped by Joey, the stable hand/helper/person/guy.

"Hello, Joey. How are you?" Jacque smiled politely.

"Eh, not too fine. I'm afraid I cain't let ye into the stables." Joey responded.

"What? Why?" Jacque said indignantly.

"Prince Legolas 'isself said it. 'E said, Joey, keep 'em from enterin', 'e said, keep 'em oot." Joey replied offhandedly.

Jacque and Amber gasped and looked at each other. "How dare he! He can't- that's- Jacque, you're a princess! Tell him to let us through."

"I'm afraid even if she says, I cain't. It's against 'is wishes. 'E got 'ere first. 'E gave me specific commands." Joey said adamantly.

"Well… if you can't let us in… can you bring Gypsy and Dae out?" Jacque inquired.

"Ah, now there's an idea if'n I 'eard one. I'll bring 'em oot." Joey said, retreating into the stables.

As he left, Amber turned to Jacque. "Clever you. But of course- You know this means war!" They smirked at each other, and looked up as Joey led the horses 'oot' of the stables, fully saddled and ready to do some damage.

O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O

The sound of hoof beats echoed through the corridor. Elves were sticking their heads out of their rooms as the girls trotted by. Soon, laughter began to ring, lasting even after the hoof beats had faded.

Legolas heard the laughter and hoof beats from his room where he was sulking. The green hair remained. He lifted himself off of his bed to go see what the commotion was. He swung open the door, stepped into the hallway, and then spun around and ran back inside the safety of his room. How did they get the horses into the building? His mind was already running on overload from the green hair. Only one thought was clear- WTF.

O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O

As Amber, Jacque, Dae, and Gypsy reached the hallway where Legolas' room was, they saw a flash of green hair, apparently ducking into a room.

"Ah, Lego has noted our arrival." Amber remarked.

"Poor guy. If he had only let us go with him. We're going to go anyways, but now he has to deal with the repercussions of his actions." Jacque said.

"I know. Hopefully he'll learn his lesson this time, so we won't have to repeat all this… torment. Heeheehee. Although I wouldn't mind finding out what other colors go well with his complexion…" Amber replied, sniggering as they reached his room. She leaned down and knocked on the door.

O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O

Legolas sat on the bed trying to still his frantic heart. "Oh my goosh." He smiled faintly, despite his crazy heartbeat. His smile dropped as he began to think. "How- no. I refuse to ask that. Why? Oh, they must have visited the stables. Joseph was _supposed_ to keep them out of there. Unless- No, they're not that clever. Why are they coming this way? The only thing of importance in this part of the castle is… me." He smirked, then his realization changed his expression to one of fright. "Oh, stop it!" He scolded himself. "They are _teenagers_! You are over 300 years old! I am a prince and I intend to prove myself as one!" As he heard the knock, he rose from the bed to answer it. His hand quivered over the doorknob for a moment. He steeled his expression and shook his head, flinging open the door.

Even his little pep talk couldn't have prepared him for this.

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Jacque and Amber waited outside Leggie's door. When it opened, the girls flashed huge grins as Jacque leaned down, grabbed him by the collar of his brown tunic, and swung him onto the back of Dae. He let out a delicate gasp as he was draped (not so delicately) on his stomach across the back of Jacque's saddle, with a little help from Amber.

"You… might wanna hold on." Jacque said as the girls walked the horses to the end of the corridor.

"Why-" Legolas' question was cut off as they began to gallop down the hall. After a moment of bewilderment, he did one of his spiffy elf moves and swung himself into a sitting position.

"How did you do that?" Jacque gaped at him.

"Tell me where we are going and I will teach you how." Legolas tempted as they slowed to a stop to avoid trampling King Thranduil. Thrandy looked at the horses for a moment, then ran away hysterically in tears.

The girls laughed for a moment as Legolas scowled. As they began to move onward, Legolas wrapped his arms loosely around Jacque's waist for balance. She looked toward Amber and mouthed (without breathing of course, for Lego's supersonic elf ears catch her every breath) "Oh my goosh! I have a totally hot elf holding onto me!" Amber laughed, and Legolas looked confused at her amusement. He then realized he had never received an answer to his proposal.

"So what say you?" He prompted to the back of Jacque's head.

"You know what? Ok." Jacque replied.

"O.K.? O.K. means… yes?" Legolas looked thoughtful.

"Fo' Sho'," Amber added her wisdom to the discussion.

"What does-"

"She means yes, Lego." Jacque interrupted.

"Oh." Legolas said. "So… where are we going?" He tightened his grip as they turned another corner.

"To shoot you!" Amber replied excitedly. Legolas gasped.

"With you, with you, Amber. Lego, you're going to teach us how to arch!" Jacque said hastily.

"How to 'arch'?" Legolas said, confused as ever. His mind was incredibly muddled.

"You know, arch! Like archer, archery, arching. Arch."

"Oh." Legolas said again. "Wait! I never agreed to that!"

"Ha! Like we care what you think." Jacque teased. Legolas pouted.

"Awww!" Amber and Jacque said together. Legolas immediately stopped.

"Aw. Please keep pouting! You're so adorable when you do that!" Jacque said.

"Not unless you tell me why you want to learn archery." Legolas retorted.

"Well, duh, Lego, we've been through this! We. Are. Coming. With-" Amber began.

"No, you are not!" Legolas interrupted. "You are not and that is my final word on it!"

"You know what? Amber, let's make a pit stop at Area 51." Jacque said, glaring at Legolas.

"What is a 'pit stop'? And where is 'Area 51'?" Legolas said angrily. He was tired of being confused.

'Area 51' was, in fact, the nickname that Amber and Jacque had given to one of the waterfalls that they had found on the edge of the forest.

"'Area 51' is, in fact, the nickname that Amber and I have given to one of the waterfalls that we have found on the edge of the forest. We saw it, and it was all shimmery, and we're like, Oh my goosh! I bet we could contact Nessa from here! It's magical and ethereal! Maybe it doesn't even exist! Which is where the whole 'Area 51' thing comes in. Oh, right, you don't know what Area 51 is in the first place! It's where they have the aliens." Jacque said.

"Jacque, that didn't help at all! He doesn't even know where we're from." Amber said, frowning.

Legolas' eyes narrowed in suspicion. "That is correct. I do not know from where you hail. I was going to ask you yesterday, but then your whole fiasco with my hair began. Where are you from?" He demanded.

"Erm, um… maybe we _should_ go to Area 51. I think he really needs to hear it from Nessa." Amber said, glancing between Jacque and Lego.

Jacque nodded, and finally they reached the doors leading outside, both unconsciously fingering their jewelry.

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	5. Dunh dunh dunh

I am such a bad, bad, bad fanfic writer. I don't update, I don't reply to reviews, shame on me. So- just to let you people who have read my story know- you totally make my month when I get those reviews. I realize that I said I would refrain from author's notes, but I'm bad about that too! Yay me! Soooo... this chapter isn't as funny as the previous ones, but I'm trying to move it along a little. It's only been, like, two days in the story, so I'm like, Geeze! I'm not even going to give excuses for not updating, but I will grovel and beg for forgiveness. grovels and begs for forgiveness And here's the part where you say "I forgive you!" and we PAR-TAY! Hahaha! Enjoy!

* * *

They found Area 51 after a little searching and a lot of 'What did it look like?' 'Um, well, it had water-' 'As most waterfalls do, Jacque.' 'Shut up, Amber.'. When they walked into the clearing with Legolas leading the horses, Jacque and Amber looked at each other, both realizing that they had no idea how to contact Nessa. 

"Umm…"

"Err…"

"Didn't she say something about asking?" Amber whispered.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Uh, Hey! Nessa! Um, I'm asking you to come and speak to us? Please?" Amber said shakily.

In a gaping plot hole, the goddess appeared before them. Legolas gasped (again).

"What is it that you request of me?" Nessa inquired to Amber, staring at Legolas' hair.

"Yeah- um, well, can you- I mean to say, that is, will- oh, geeze-"

Jacque cut her off. "Can you please explain to Legolas where we come from?"

"Of course." Nessa replied breathily, moving her focus away from the vibrant green monstrosity. She then proceeded to tell Legolas where they came from. As she did, Jacque and Amber nodded and smiled at various parts. All in all it wasn't too long of a tale, but as Tolkien says, "Not all that was spoken and debated in the council need now be told.". Of course, it wasn't a council so much as a clearing where Nessa told Leggy all about Amber and Jacque. Let's just say that their world was completely unknown to Legolas, and he was simply flabbergasted.

When Nessa had finished, Legolas was silent for a moment while Amber and Jacque fidgeted nervously, waiting for his reaction. "Well, I am… surprised, but in an extremely odd way I knew that you could not have been of Middle Earth. Yet, while I still do not understand most of the knowledge you have imparted to me, this will suffice." He said to Nessa. He continued, turning to Amber and Jacque. "Apparently you two shall have a large role to play in this… adventure, and I shall aid you to the best of my ability."

"Aw, gee, thanks Lego!" Jacque said. Legolas gave her an odd look.

"Ehm, yes. Well. I suppose we should head to the archery range. If we may excuse ourselves, Nessa." He said, bowing deeply to the Valië.

"Ooh! You're really going to teach us?" Jacque squealed. Amber winced. She hates squealing.

"Jacque, you know I hate squealing."

"Oh. Right. Sorry." Jacque tried her hardest to look shamed, but failed miserably.

"Yeah, well, didn't you ever hear 'Silence is golden'? Duhr." Amber bantered.

"Well, if silence is golden, then chit chat is platinum! Isn't this weather nice?"

"Oh, indubitably. As a matter of fact, I do believe Leggy-"

"Please refrain from dragging me into this," Legolas interrupted, rolling his eyes.

"You know, if you do that too much, your eyes will get stuck like that." Amber remarked.

"Yeah, and then whenever you want to look someone in the eye you'll have to tilt your head all funny and then the other elves will laugh at you. You'll be the laughingstock of Middle Earth- you'll be forever remembered as Leggy the Lame-eyed."

"He could wear eye patches! It'd be hard to see with both eyes covered, but he'd be a perfect pirate elf!"

Jacque gasped. "He'd be the ultimate crossover between Will Turner and Leggy!"

"Here is the archery range!" Legolas said quickly, before they got any further into their imaginations. He wasn't sure who this Turner lad was, but the word 'crossover' sounded rather frightening and painful.

Legolas led the group into the empty range. He left the horses by a cluster of trees, pulled out three bows and a bunch of arrows, and sighed deeply, looking and Amber and Jacque.

"We're ready!" Amber said.

"Ready, Freddy!" Jacque supplied, and the girls cracked up.

Leggy looked very confused as he heard the name, but decided it was better not to ask. "Yes, well- yes. Archery is not something that can be learned in a day." Legolas began to pace in front of them. "It is an art- and ancient form of worship for life itself."

"But- you kill things. That's not exactly worshipping life." Jacque said. Legolas glared at her for interrupting his speech.

"One does not learn archery for sport alone- it is learned as a form of truth, not one of lies and deception. Yes, you kill things, but they die with honour." Legolas replied.

"Oooohhhhh. Gotcha." Jacque said. Suddenly, three elves rode onto the range on their horses.

"Excuse me, my ladies. My lord!" One of the elves said hurriedly.

"Yes?"

"We must leave early. Lord Elrond has called a Council, and he sends word that is is of much importance." A second elf said.

Jacque and Amber gasped. "We'll go pack!" They said in unison.

"No, you will not." Lego said, grabbing their arms before they could scamper off.

"Yes we will." Jacque replied.

"No, you won't!"

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes, and that is final!" Legolas said loudly. Jacque and Amber laughed triumphantly and ran to their horses. Amber jumped on, and Jacque scrambled on, as usual. They trotted off towards the palace as Legolas watched them with his brilliant blue eyes.

"Should we follow them, my lord? We can restrain them and prevent them from following." The third elf said, splitting the silence.

"Yes. Make sure they stay, but do not let any harm come to them." Legolas said sadly. The three elves followed the girls to the palace. "This is for your own good." He whispered into the empty range.

* * *

Amber and Jacque rode the horses into the palace. It was a long way to their rooms, so the girls began to sing, laughing all the while. 

"It was a one-eyed one-horned giant purple people eater!"

"Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where s my hairbrush? Oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where is my hairbrush?"

"Feelin' Groovy! Ba dah ba dah ba badabada, feelin' groovy!"

"Do you hear what I hear?"

"You have to sing it, Amber."

"No, do you hear that?"

"OOOhhhh. No. Wait- yes! It's hoofsteps!"

"I thought we were the only ones who rode our horses through the castle!"

"I thought so too, but apparently not. Who could it be?"

"Well, Lego doesn't have a horse. But- those three elves had horses! But why are they following us? We've never met them before. We haven't even terrorized them yet!"

"Maybe they're coming to help us pack! Yay?"

"I doubt it. Not yay?"

"Not yay. Something doesn't feel completely right."

"I concur. Let's get to our rooms." They sped up.

Upon reaching their rooms, the girls ran inside and locked their doors. They looked around their rooms. They unlocked the doors and went back outside. "We don't have anything to pack! Our camping stuff is on out horses!" Jacque exclaimed.

"This is a fact. Let's go!" Amber replied, hopping onto her horse.

"Someone's going to have to teach me how to do that soon."

* * *

The three elves passed Amber and Jacque in the hallway. "Hi, slowpokes!" Amber yelled as they skidded by. The elves waved. A second later, they stopped. 

"Valar! Why didn't we stop them!"

* * *


	6. Stuffybutlerguy's comeback!

HAH! Two chapters in one day! Oh- what now! Who's your daddy! MUAHAHA!

* * *

Legolas had just finished packing and left the room, a servant carrying his bags. As he opened the palace doors, he was picked up and swung onto a horse. Jacque's horse, as a matter of fact. "Hihihihihihi!" Amber said, grabbing his poor servant (who was frightened out of his wits).

"Where are you taking me now?" Legolas demanded, doing his spiffy elf move and righting himself on Dae.

"Weeeeelllllll, see, there are these guys, right? Except they're not 'guys', they're elves. Three of them. And they were following us-"

"But not in a nice, 'Oh we adore you and want your autograph rawr' kind of way. More of a evil, 'Oh we're going to eat your firstborn child RAWR' scary kind of way." At this, Legolas looked startled. Amber looked at him suspiciously. "You wouldn't know anything about these guys, would you?"

"Of- of course not." Lego stuttered.

"He knows something." Jacque and Amber said together. Legolas winced.

"We're heading for the stables to get your horse. While Joey brings it out, you will explain to us exactly what you have to do with this." Jacque said quietly,

* * *

When they reached the stables, Joey came out to greet them. "'Ello! Wot d'ya need now?"

"I require my horse, Joey." Legolas replied kindly.

"Shor' ting, m'lord." Joey said, hobbling back into the stables.

"Now- why were those guys following us?" Amber interrogated.

"Well, you see, it was- I mean- there were… extenuating circumstances." Legolas stumbled over his words.

"Just spit it out." Jacque said angrily. "It looks like you sent a few mercenaries to get rid of us. I mean- I knew we annoyed you, but I thought you took it in good humour! I am praying to the Valar that I have blatantly misunderstood, but right now- just tell us what they were doing, Legolas." Legolas blanched. She used his full name- this was serious business.

"No- it's- no. When you left to pack, one of them asked me if I would like if they… restrained you. I said yes, but to make sure that no harm would come to you. I promise that I agreed only for your good! I was desperate to keep you from danger." Legolas said the last two sentences quickly, then cringed, waiting for an outburst from one of the girls. None came.

"Awwwwww! That is so sweet!" Jacque said.

"You wanted to keep us from danger! You really love us!"

"You are the most thoughtful elf ever!" Jacque finished. She then turned around awkwardly in the saddle and hugged him tightly. Legolas blushed, a sharp contrast to his earlier pale composure. Amber sniggered, at least until Jacque swatted her.Letting go of Leggy (reluctantly), she faced forward, pretending to have missed his rosy cheeks. Then Joey came out of the stables, leading a gorgeous horse behind him.

"Gasp! And who is this?" Amber cooed.

"This is Hwiniol, which means whirling, giddy, or fantastic." Legolas replied proudly.

"Ooooo! Whirlybird!" Jacque said.

"I dub thee Whirlybird." Amber said regally.

"What! You can't just change her given name!" Legolas said, aghast, while gracefully slipping onto Whirlybird from Dae.

"We're not changing her given name, we're giving her a nickname!" Amber clarified.

"Like- my nickname is Jacque- and yours is Leggie, Leggy, or Lego!" Jacque added.

"Oh. I still don't completely approve…" Legolas trailed off as the three elves pursuing the girls rode into sight.

"My lord! We apologize- we did not reach them in time." The first elf said hurriedly.

"No, no. I decided to allow them to accompany me." Legolas said calmly.

"What?" Replied the elves and girls- the girls excited, the elves confused.

"They are coming 'with'!" Lego said, smiling at Amber and Jacque. The other elves just looked confused.

"With what?"

"Me!" Legolas said giddily.

"Oh."

"Gasp! We have to say goodbye to Thrandy!" Jacque said, grabbing her reins and turning around.

"You're right! Meet you by the palace after, Leggie!" Amber yelled as they galloped towards the palace. Legolas shook his head. He knew his father would be grateful to have some peace after such constant strenuous ordeals.

* * *

When Jacque and Amber arrived in the Throne Room, the stuffy-butler-guy tersely said that "The King is not currently here."

Jacque and Amber finished for him- "Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP." And collapsed into giggles. Just as the stuffy-butler-guy was about to shut the door, Jacque and Amber slipped inside unnoticed.

As they walked to the throne (the stuffy-butler-guy had undoubtedly gone off to therapy or something), their mischievous minds went to work on one more evil plot before they left.

"Hey, Jacque- do you still carry around that bag of finger-paints with you? And the Duct Tape?"

"As usual!" Jacque replied happily.

"Why?"

"Well, finger-paints are the most amazing and sophisticated art medium there is- and Duct Tape is just Duct Tape. It's like the Force- it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together!"

"Hahaha, that's great."

"I've got a million of 'em. Didja hear the one about the two muffins sitting on a plate? One turns to the other and says, 'I think we're about to be eaten!' Then the other says, 'Holy crap! A talking muffin!'" Both girls rolled on the floor laughing.

"Okay, Jacque. How about this one- and actress and director walk into a bar- ouch!" They finally were able to straighten up- but only long enough to complete their devious, insane, and mysterious goodbye to Thrandy.

* * *

Thranduil walked into his Throne Room, eager to rest in the fluffy red throne after prolonged therapy with the local elven healer. However, when he arrived, he nearly had a heart attack. 'The Throne Room is so… colorful…' he thought, looking around at the ravaged room- wall to wall doodles and poems. 'What does this one say? "Roses are red, violets are blue, Thrandy is sweet, look up you crazy fool!" That doesn't really rhyme... wait, what? Up? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

His screams echoed throughout the palace once he had looked to the ceiling. Poor stuffy-butler-guy was Duct Tape-ed to the ceiling, with blue finger-paint dripping out of his hair and yellow finger-paint drying on his shoes. Jacque and Amber smiled evilly as the palace doors swung shut.

* * *


End file.
